Q&A 12: Getting spiritually stuck in despondency and the feeling that life is just not worth living; moving to another location to change situations and feelings; non-physical memory; Déjà-vu, what is happening? Getting help from Archangels; The esoteric side of memory;
Some Questions and Answers

This article is from the current Reality Creator Series Books, or upcoming books, or website content. © copyright 1995 - 2021 by Tom DeLiso

I feel my life is going nowhere and at times I even want to die, or should I say I don't care to live. My spiritual training has even made this feeling worse not better.

The feeling that physical life is not worth living is a common place to be in from a spiritual training standpoint. Your consciousness senses the perfect state of being that exists on the other side of the fence and you want to jump over that fence. However you can't jump that fence, you have to find the doorway yourself to that perfect state through the physical life you have now. That is why you are physically incarnate. Not to keep you from this state of being, but to teach you how to reach it.
This feeling of dependency should naturally in time give way to the feeling of perfect balance and happiness in your physical life. At least it will as long as you keep striving to make yourself a better more perfect being each day that goes by. Getting stuck in the psychological spot you are in now is not a good thing, as it can lead to the fanatic syndrome, where escape is sought out at any cost, even your own and others. I am aware of this spot that you can get stuck in; so consider this my first swift kick in the butt to get you moving out of it.

Why can't I move [physically to another location] to create a better life, more harmony?

It is true that you can create harmony wherever you are. And also true that disharmony will follow you wherever you go as well. I did not say you could not move to a new physical location -- you can do what you want, you are a person with free will and as such you can create whatever it is you want. What I did say is that if you think by moving you will leave behind any of the problems or feelings you are having now, forget it! When you pack your bags to move to a new location -- guess what? Those problems go with you in some way.
So while you are waiting to manifest a new place to live, work on resolving those inner and outer issues that keep you from saying "Life is Wonderful!. Otherwise wherever you go will be just another hole to get stuck in. I do know it is far easier to manifest a change in your life from a place of being happy than from a place of being sad or despondent. So that perhaps is your best weapon or tool to reality create a new situation for yourself. There is an esoteric secret and it goes:

Change thyself and thy surroundings will change to reflect that self.

What that means is that if you change into this new happy life-loving person, and your present reality can't support that self, you will naturally manifest a new environment that can. Let's say that it really is impossible for you to grow in the physical location where you are now, surrounded by the people and circumstances there. Let's say they are just too negative. Now if you change yourself so that you are no longer reflecting their own attitudes of negativity, one of two things will have to happen. Either these people will change their negativity to reflect your more positive outlook, or the more likely thing to happen is you will reality create yourself to a new place being surrounded by physical people that are more positive, or as nearly as positive as you are.

I was thinking about asking an Archangel to help me or something. Do you think I should, and how to ask them?

You can go into a meditation and mentally visit the "Tree of Life" sphere Binah. ( It is a dark place but the archangel there can help you with transforming your life into what you want. I don't mean dark in the form of evil, I mean dark in the form of uncertainty and of the future not known or formed, the unknown about yourself and your life. Tzaphkiel is the archangel there to help you discover yourself and help you to change that which you don't like into that which you do.

Just go into a meditation with the intent of visiting the sphere. Then relax and empty your mind of all things. When you start to sense a kind of awareness that you have entered this dark place, ask the Archangel for help. Don't expect a response, though you may get one. But know that your request was heard and that some changes will occur in your life to help you along the way.
I always visit with Tzaphkiel when I don't know about the future or I feel trapped in my current life. He helps me to break free of the things that limit me and this helps me to move forward again. Sometimes I don't like what I am being told or what I see, but if I follow the path it does lead to a better place than before.

Is there an esoteric side of memory and how to make it better, to remember better?

Nonphysical memory does not really exist in the same way that physical memory does. In the nonphysical if you remember something you will most likely transport yourself to that moment, or that moment will start to manifest within wherever you are doing at present. In the non-physical all memories (or moments) are reachable, so there is no forgetting anything. The trick of course is to actually bring the event in your consciousness while you are doing something non-physical, which can be a juggling act with trying to stay conscious and focus on what is going on in the present.

Because of the nature of your nonphysical memory you can't really make it better. It already remembers everything. But you can make manipulating a memory while nonphysical more efficient, so that you do not get lost in the memory. Sometimes when a memory comes up when you are nonphysical, you drop what you are currently doing and then get transported into the event. When that happens you usually loose your self awareness and the ability to continue to manipulate your nonphysical self. So the act of using memory in the nonphysical is more about learning how to stay self-conscious during it, than actually remembering it - as the event is always there for you to visit. A ideal example of a good use of non-physical memory would be:

You are investigating why your grandmother is sick on the nonphysical. You are talking to her asking her questions. A memory pops up into your mind and you are transported back to that moment. In that moment you see your grandmother eating something. You remain conscious of your mission, to find out what made your grandmother sick and realize that this is the reason. You then either transport back to your grandmother in the nonphysical or you wake up from the nonphysical projection.

Question: Is there something esoteric/paranormal about Déjà-vu?

Déjà-vu is a condition when a remembered non-physical event collides with a current physical one. In the non-physical time is simultaneous, so it is possible and happens often that you live an event first in the non-physical (during dreamtime). Then when the physical event actually occurs the memory of the non-physical event surfaces and the two collide. The feeling of Déjà-vu is what occurs and that is the feelings of the non-physical event impacting into your physical event. Since these feelings come from a source outside of your physical self, you feel odd and even remember doing the event before.